Consequences

            She smiled brightly and her heart cart-wheeled as she said, “Kelpie.” The portrait swung open and she stepped through, her emerald eyes shining with happiness. However, as she took in the scene before her, that happiness fled, to be replaced with disbelief, and hurt. She gasped sharply, unable to believe her eyes. There… on the chaise… blonde and black… as if the two bodies were glued together… She wasn’t a Gryffindor for nothing, but at this moment, she couldn’t do anything but stand there, petrified. In the back corner of her mind, she was yelling at herself to do something, to do anything, to scream at him, to run up the stairs, to run away… He looked up and his eyes met hers. She turned and ran.

“Lily! Come back!” She slowed and faced him, her red hair enhancing her flashing emerald eyes. “Why, Potter?” she asked bitterly, still in a slight state of disbelief, but suffering from the power of inevitability.

James Potter flinched and his eyes widened as that word, that now-unfamiliar word, hit home. “Lily…” he whispered. “I-I didn’t mean it…”

            Behind him, a girl with mussed blonde hair and challenging dark brown eyes silently stood from the chaise and smirked at the tension. The only sound in the room was from the crackling fire. Its flickering flames illuminated the ambition and the confidence in Helena’s eyes, in her face. She slowly walked up behind James and kissed him on the cheek, obviously crossing the line between platonic and something more. “You know you meant it,” she purred in a carrying whisper, “don’t even bother to deny it. I’ll be waiting.” The girl shot Lily a triumphant look and sauntered out of the common room.

Lily flushed in humiliation and indignation as she glared at James across the gap between them, trying to get that image out of her head.

“I didn’t mean it, Lily!” he protested, trying to salvage the wreckage of his actions..

“You didn’t mean it…” she said slowly, disbelieving. Blinking back tears, she slowly repeated the words. “You didn’t mean it… How am I supposed to believe you, James? You were kissing her!!! Didn’t you mean it when you said you loved me?” She turned to go. “Just leave me alone, Potter.” Lily walked out of the common room, quelling the urge to run, and let out a little breath of relief at the sight of a deserted corridor. Oh no… footsteps… Damn it, she’d told him not to follow her! Or… at least she’d implied it…

           “I’m sorry.”

            “Go away.”

            “I love you.”

            “Stop lying.”

            “But I mean it!”

            She whirled around, her long red hair almost smacking him in the face. Her flashing green eyes pierced his hazel ones; they were filled with unshed tears. She rapidly shook her head, as if bothered by a bee. “Just like you meant it when you were kissing Helena Vane?! You know you don’t love me. You never did, did you? Sure, you liked me when you first began chasing me back at the end of Fourth Year, but then… then it just became a habit, didn’t it? I became just a prize to be won, just another tally to put up on the wall… WASN’T I?!” Her last words echoed throughout the room as she felt a sudden push of resentment, of betrayal, of - of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on... Not that it mattered at the moment.

            He opened his mouth to protest, but was stopped by another onslaught of emotion. It fought to get out, pounding against the wall that guarded Lily’s feelings. The wall broke.

            “I THOUGHT YOU’D CHANGED! I THOUGHT YOU’D ACTUALLY MANAGED TO FINALLY DEFLATE THAT BLOODY BIG HEAD OF YOURS! I THOUGHT I COULD LET MY GUARD DOWN A LITTLE, TAKE A CHANCE, RISK SOMETHING!” She broke off for a moment to take a breath and then plowed resolutely on. She had to get it all out. “I THOUGHT I COULD DEPEND ON YOU! I THOUGHT YOU’D MEANT IT WHEN YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU, POTTER!”

            “YOU CAN!!!” he burst out, unable to contain himself any longer. “Look, that was a once in a lifetime thing! I made a mistake, Lily, and I know that, but it won’t happen again!” He pleaded with her silently to accept his words, to understand that he wasn’t perfect, to… to just stay with him. “I love you!”

            Lily stared at him, wondering if he’d heard a word she’d said, well shouted. On second thought, of course he’d heard her; it wasn’t as if he was deaf… but had he understood?

            “Can’t we go back to how we were before this whole mess?”

            Lily curled her hand into a fist, her nails making little crescents in her palm. Obviously not. The day logic managed to permeate James Potter’s thick skull was the day she kissed the Giant Squid. She took in a deep breath, willed her features to settle into a mask so they were completely indifferent, and smiled coolly. “Of course, Potter. This whole mess started when you asked me out for the 83^rd time and when I accepted. So yes, Potter, I would love to go back to how we were before.” Lily turned and walked away, willing herself to keep her back straight, to stare straight ahead, to not look back, even though a part of her wanted to run back and collapse into his arms, even though that part of her yearned to accept his apology and to forget that she’d seen him kissing someone else.

            James stared after her and eventually Lily disappeared, engulfed by the darkness of the corridor. Even though he was sure she couldn’t hear him, he said plaintively, “I meant Helena…” His voice echoed alone and James turned to reenter the portrait hole. Lily… Lily needed time to calm down, and when she got back, James was sure that she would listen to reason.