Muggleborn Misery

The sun shone off the lake, making the water so clear one could almost see the merpeople swimming beneath the surface. One of the professors--one with a very loud voice, apparently--was chastising a student on the other side of the lake for skipping detention. To the right, several thrid years were throwing stones at the giant squid, and twice as many first years were screaming and crying, pointing at the monster.

"Muggleborns," Snape sneered, turning his head away from the pathetic sight and looking across the lake, where the professor had charmed a book to beat his student very hard over the head. "They've obviously never seen a squid before. It's so sad, it's pa--"

"And just what's wrong with Muggleborns?" Lily's face was flushed, and Snape cringed; sometimes he forgot who he was talking to. "You think you're so great, with all your talk of Pure Bloods being the best. Even though you're a filthy half blood! How do you like being called that?"

"That's not what I meant," said Snape quickly, before the girl could get any more upset. Honestly, she exploded at the smallest things and he didn't know why. It must have been a girl thing. Or maybe just a "Lily Evans" thing.

"Then just what did you mean?" Her eyes were thin green slits, her arms folded so tightly across her chest that it was a wonder she wasn't cutting of her circulation. "What did you mean, Severus?"

"Not that."

"It's never 'that.'" She rolled her eyes and looked away from him, and neither spoke for a long time. Lily was right of course, Snape never meant to offend her but he always seemed to do it anyway. He leaned a bit closer to her, and took it to be a good sign that she didn't move away from him.

"All I meant was that when students from magical families come to school, they've already heard about the squid." Snape waited for her to say something, to agree or even acknowledge he had spoken, but her face stayed stony and unresponsive. The atmosphere around them grew tense. "Those students are prepared for it, they know what--"

"And a Muggleborn can't be just as prepared for something as the other students? They can't crack open Hogwarts: A History and read all about giant squids and secret tunnels and mermaids from there?" Lily snapped her head back around to face him, but this time her glare was so hard that Snape couldn't even meet her eyes, and found himself staring straight into her chest instead. He hastily averted his gaze. "Besides," Lily went on, her cheeks growing redder, "those students over there could have heard stories from somewhere, from their magical brothers and sisters, that the squid was a vicious beast who liked to pull in little children and eat them. That doesn't mean they're Muggleborn, just that they believe stupid things."

The air around them was so tense Snape felt like he could hardly breathe, but when Lily stopped talking they both relaxed a little. At least she'd gotten his Daily Telling Off out of the way before dinner. He didn't say anything else about Muggleborns because he didn't want to launch her into another of Lily's moods, but it was she who brought up the subject again.

"And another thing--"

"Look!" By the furious look on her face, Snape instantly regretted cutting her off, but he felt horrible enough as it was without another lecture. "We've talked about this already, Lily. Let it go, I didn't mean it."

"Let it go? Let it go!" Lily dug her fist into the ground. "Oh, you're one to let it go, aren't you? All these years and you couldn't let go of your friends, even for me? You worship the bleeding Dark Lord, for crying out loud! That can't be healthy!"

Healthy? Snape immediately felt conscious about his sallow skin and greasy hair. But he wouldn't admit she was right, not when she brought the Dark Lord into all of this.

"What's not healthy is going around showing off, flaunting the fact that you're a Muggleborn and you don't care if he gets you--"

"Well, I don't care!"

"But you should! I don't want him to kill you, I don't want to lose you."

The words came out all in a rush, and for a moment, Snape himself didn't realize what he'd said. At any rate, it seemed to work reasonably well, because her face started losing some of its color and she settled back against the tree trunk without saying a word. Snape watched her until her eyes closed, and he admired the way the sunlight bounced off her cheeks.

"You don't want to lose me, eh?" When she spoke at last, her voice was soft, and there was some sort of emotion in her tone that Snape couldn't quite identify. Sadness? Disbelief? "That's really sweet, coming from you."

Snape's cheeks turned quickly more red and distinctly less pale.

"But you do know what James and Sirius and the others call you, don't you?" she asked, now looking sadly at him. He nodded. "They call you Snivellus a lot, and That Great Greasy Git. But you shouldn't listen to them, they're complete idiots."

Snape couldn't stop the smirk from curling to his lips--at the rate he was going, James wouldn't have a chance.

"But I happen to think your hair is rather..." Lily paused, composed herself a bit more, and then said, "...interesting. Your hair is very interesting, Severus."

"Oh, and is interesting some sort of code work for disgusting and slimy that I'm not supposed to understand?" His moods were worsening very quickly. So Lily didn't like his hair; maybe she just felt sorry for him. Well, he'd sort of suspected that already, seeing as she was his only real friend and the only person he enjoyed hanging out with, but why couldn't she just go right out and say it? "I know you don't like my hair. Might as well tell me so I can bawl my eyes out like some terrified Muggleborn first year."

He rolled his eyes. And when he looked around again, Lily had already packed up her things and left.