The Island Escape

 

Petunia Dursley sipped at the cup of tea and smiled as the warmth flooded her veins. Sitting back, she surveyed the small teashop. There were few customers, and so it didnÕt really matter that she wasnÕt wearing any shoes.

 

Taking a bite of the carrot cake sheÕd ordered, she smiled indulgently as she thought of her husband, still on the island. She couldnÕt help feeling a little guilty, thoughÉhere she was, enjoying a nice cup of tea and cake, whilst her poor Dudders was going hungry.

 

But Vernon, well, he deserved it.

 

She took another bite of the cake and thought back on the dayÕs events.

 

Oh yes, he deserved it.

 

***

 

Vernon Dursley was what you would call a proud man. He was the Managing Director of a successful drill company, owned his own house, had the latest car and always liked things just so.

 

Which was why, when Petunia Dursley awoke on the lumpy mattress, blearily rubbing sleep from her eyes to hear her husband shouting and swearing and, by the sounds of it, splintering something – well, it was a shock indeed.

 

It took her a couple of moments to wake up properly and get her bearings, during which she looked around at her bleak surroundings. Dudley was sleeping on the floor next to the rickety old bed, a grubby, thin blanket pulled up around his neck, and he was snoring heavily.

 

Several seconds later, blinking the last of the sleep from her eyes, her mind caught up with the situation and she remembered the events of the previous day. That, thatÉgiant had turned up and told him that he was a Wizard. And then heÕd given poor Dudley a pigÕs tail!

 

Petunia covered her mouth with her hands, trying to stifle a gasp. How anyone could have done that to her poor, defenceless Dudders, she didnÕt know. Another crash sounded from the cramped living area of the hut, and Petunia gasped again.

 

What was her husband doing? Were the giant and the boy still there? Her eyes widened as a horrible thought crossed her mind – what ifÉwhat if Vernon had been so angry, heÕd gone and done something stupid?

 

He had a terrible temper sometimes, and in a fit of anger could be impossibly strong. Dread flooded her veins, as she crawled to the end of the small bed and listened at the door.

 

ÒStupid! Bloody! Oaf!Ó

 

ÒVernon?Ó she called tentatively. ÒVernon, what are you doing?Ó

 

ÒHeÕs taken the bloody boat! That idiot giant has taken the bloody boat!Ó

 

Petunia didnÕt know whether to be relieved that Vernon hadnÕt done anything stupid, or angry that the giant – Hagrid, as he called himself – had taken their boat.

 

Slipping off the end of the bed, careful not to wake Dudley – he needed all the sleep he could get, poor love – she opened the door to see her husband using the bent rifle to smash holes in the sparse furniture.

 

ÒVernon! Stop it!Ó

 

ÒHeÕs taken the boat, Petunia! WeÕre going to be stuck on this ruddy island for who knows how long!Ó He raised the rifle and smashed it into the table once again.

 

ÒVernon, stop it! YouÕll wake Dudley!Ó She reached out and laid her hand on his shoulder, which seemed to calm him down a little.

 

ÒWell, yes, well I donÕt want to wake Dudley. HeÕs going to be upset enough when he wakes up as it is – with no way off this island, heÕs going to miss his favourite television programmes for sure.Ó

 

ÒWell, how about if we sit down, have a drink, get dressed, and then weÕll try and work out what to do.Ó

 

ÒYes, yes, good idea.Ó Vernon sank down onto the now broken sofa and put the bent rifle onto the floor.

 

ÒWell, IÕll go and get us a drink,Ó Petunia said, wringing her hands together, ÒthereÕs probably some apple juice left in the flask.Ó

 

She disappeared into the bedroom, careful not to wake Dudley just yet, and found the flask of juice. She took it out to her husband, before getting dressed and gently shaking Dudley awake.

 

ÒDudders, love, itÕs time to wake up,Ó she whispered.

 

ÒHuh?Ó Dudley murmured sleepily, Òis it time for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?Ó

 

ÒNo, sweetums, weÕre not at home. Remember what happened yesterday?Ó

 

DudleyÕs eyes widened, and then his hands reached beneath the thin blanket, and his eyes filled with tears.

 

ÒMummy, IÕve got a tail!Ó

 

***

 

An hour later, Dudley was sitting gingerly on one half of the broken sofa, complaining that he was hungry.

 

Vernon was pacing up and down the small room, muttering about something or other, and Petunia was sitting at the rickety table, her head in her hands.

 

ÒHow are we going to get off this island, Vernon? ItÕs got to be at least a mile and a half back to shore!Ó

 

ÒBe quiet, Petunia, IÕm trying to think!Ó

 

Petunia sank down onto the other half of the broken sofa, reaching out to pat DudleyÕs hand.

 

ÒIÕm hungry,Ó he complained, Òcan we go home now?Ó

 

ÒWe donÕt have any food, sweetums,Ó Petunia replied, Òand the fool of a giant and that boy took our boat. So DaddyÕs trying to think of a way to get us off this island, all right?Ó

 

ÒCanÕt he just swim back to shore and get us another boat?Ó

 

ÒWell, erm, IÕm not sure that would be such a good –Ó

 

ÒThatÕs it!Ó Vernon interrupted suddenly, ÒIÕll swim across and bring another boat back! Dudley, my son, youÕre a genius!Ó

 

ÒVernonÉÓ Petunia began, hesitantly.

 

ÒYes?Ó

 

ÒI donÕt think you should –Ó

 

ÒAnd why not?Ó he boomed, as he began removing his shirt. ÒItÕs the best idea weÕve got!Ó

 

ÒVernon,Ó Petunia insisted, ÒdonÕt you remember that holiday back in 1979? In Lanzarote? You tried to go swimming in the sea, and you ended up in hospital with breathing difficulties!Ó

 

ÒYes, well, the less said about that the better,Ó Vernon blustered, his face reddening slightly, Òbut that was twelve years ago, IÕm fitter and stronger now.Ó

 

Petunia raised her eyebrows slightly, but didnÕt say anything, simply standing up and folding VernonÕs clothes, clad as he was in only his boxer shorts.

 

He opened the door to the little shack, blinking in the bright sunlight.

 

ÒGood, good,Ó he said, Ònice summerÕs day, perfect for swimming.Ó

 

Petunia bit her lip, just as her husband stepped onto the rickety wooden jetty, which creaked ominously beneath his weight.

 

ÒVernon, be careful!Ó she called.

 

ÒIÕll be fine,Ó he replied, and heÕd almost reached the end of the jetty when there was an almighty splintering sound, followed by a loud splash and a murderous yell.

 

Petunia watched in horror as Vernon flailed in the water, spluttering while he tried to reach what was left of the jetty.

 

ÒVernon!Ó she called again and stepped tentatively onto the jetty as he heaved his bulk onto the other end.

 

ÒPetuniaÉhelp meÉIÕm bleeding!Ó

 

ÒOh Vernon!Ó She reached out and pulled him into a standing position, before they both edged back onto the rocks. ÒWhere have you cut yourself?Ó

 

ÒThere,Ó he pointed at his leg, ÒI think I caught it on a rock.Ó

 

Petunia looked down at his leg and saw a small cut the size of a sewing needle.

 

ÒIs that all?Ó she asked.

 

ÒÔIs that allÕ!Ó Vernon roared, ÒThat is extremely painful, IÕll have you know!Ó

 

ÒAll right, all right, but thereÕs nothing we can do about it. Come on, letÕs go back inside, get you dry.Ó

 

Vernon sighed and followed his wife back into the hut, glaring at Dudley, who was peering out of the small window, laughing hysterically.

 

***

 

ÒCanÕt you stop that infernal racket?Ó Vernon yelled, as he listened once again to the sound of his sonÕs stomach rumbling.

 

ÒI canÕt help it, Dad, itÕs not my fault IÕm hungry and thereÕs nothing to eat!Ó

 

It was now well past two oÕ clock in the afternoon, and the Dursleys were no closer to getting off the small island than theyÕd been three hours earlier.

 

TheyÕd tried going outside and shouting until they were hoarse, and theyÕd tried tying VernonÕs white shirt to one of the legs from the broken table and waving it around, in the hope of attracting someoneÕs attention.

 

But no luck. There werenÕt even any boats around, which Vernon had found unusual, but Petunia had reminded him that it was Cowes week on the Isle of Wight further down the coast, and perhaps all the boats had gone there.

 

Whatever the reason, there just didnÕt seem to be anybody around to help them.

 

ÒWeÕre never getting off this island, are we, Mummy?Ó Dudley said and began to cry, fat tears rolling down his face and onto the collar of his shirt.

 

ÒWe will, snookums, eventually we will.Ó

 

ÒBut I want to go home now! IÕm missing The Simpsons! CanÕt you try to swim across, Mummy?Ó

 

ÒI, er, I canÕt swim, love. But IÕm sure your Daddy will think of a way to get us across eventually, wonÕt you, Vernon? Vernon?Ó

 

He didnÕt answer, just continued staring at the table, resting on its side, as it only had two legs.

 

ÒThe tableÉÓ he murmured, ÒyesÉthat might workÉÓ

 

ÒVernon, have you thought of something?Ó

 

ÒYes!Ó he said triumphantly. ÒPetunia, help me take the other legs off this table.Ó

 

He flipped the table so the legs were pointing into the air, and, without much effort, removed the remaining two.

 

ÒI donÕt understand, Vernon, what are we going to do with a table?Ó

 

ÒThat, my dear Petunia, is our ticket out of here. And itÕs not what weÕre going to do with it, itÕs what you are going to do with it. ItÕs a raft, see?Ó

 

ÒThat wonÕt support all of our weight.Ó

 

ÒNo, it wonÕt,Ó Vernon said, reddening slightly, Òbut itÕll support you. And thatÕs all we need, eh? Just one of us to go and let the coastguard know. WeÕll have to say that we didnÕt moor the boat properly and it got washed away in the storm last night or something, but this will work.Ó

 

ÒIÕm not going out on that! I canÕt swim, Vernon! What if I fell off?Ó

 

ÒYou wonÕt,Ó he replied. ÒThis is good strong wood. Sturdy stuff. Now come on, the quicker you get to shore, the quicker we can get home.Ó

 

Sighing, Petunia removed her shoes and helped her husband lift the tabletop out of the door, and together they lowered it into the water.

 

ÒAre you sure this will be safe?Ó

 

ÒYes,Ó Vernon replied, Òand if you do fall off, hang on to the side, and IÕll have a go at swimming again.Ó

 

ÒWell, thatÕs reassuring,Ó Petunia murmured as she stepped gingerly onto the wood bobbing on the waters surface.

 

She sat down in the centre of the table, and Vernon handed her one of the table legs.

 

ÒHere, use this to row.Ó

 

And she set off, pushing the makeshift oar into the water and gliding towards the shore.

 

***

 

Brushing the crumbs from her lap, Petunia thought that perhaps theyÕd been left to suffer long enough, and so she paid the bill (good thing she always kept some money about her person!), and left the teashop to go in search of the coastguard.

 

As she strode towards the coastguard offices, she thought that it had certainly been an eventful couple of days; there was no doubt about that. And it didnÕt look like it would be getting any less eventful either.

 

Not when there was DudleyÕs pig tail to deal withÉ

 

***

 

A/N: This fic was originally written as a response to a challenge set on the HPFF forums. Thanks to LoonyPhoenix for the beta, and thanks for reading!